Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
