this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
