we made out on top of his cat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
