Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
