You're so nebulous sometimes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
