dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
