I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
