Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
