I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
