He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
