I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
