Your face is a jimmy john
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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