Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
