be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
