your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She is in my trunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
