Moan for me like Helen Keller
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
