he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
