I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
