Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
