I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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