why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
