I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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