he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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