oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
not ubering you a puppy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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