I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
