Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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