i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
