New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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