He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
