you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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