it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
