She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
