I got chris browned last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
