he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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