Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
