you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
MIDGETS
????
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
