If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
