I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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