well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
