we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
