I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
