Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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