All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
