how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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