An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
