I must be too annoying 4 u.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
