Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
