remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i think i just lost a toe
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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