had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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