A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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