Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
