mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's intense
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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