this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
